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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24127867">who are you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tormenmashi/pseuds/tormenmashi'>tormenmashi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, M/M, no happy ending, will add tags as chapters goes up</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:27:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,526</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24127867</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tormenmashi/pseuds/tormenmashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Bokuto Koutaro, I'm 24 years old. That's what I'm told. What is reality? What are the truth and what are the lies? Who can I trust? Can I trust the one closest to me? Who am I? Who are you.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>My name is Akaashi Keiji. I am Akaashi Keiji.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Christmas Eve, what is a better way to spend it than to spend it with the one you love. We stood there waiting for the lights to turn green, I could tell that Bokuto was excited, you can see it in his eyes, he is so child-like, it's cute.</p><p> </p><p>A small chime informs us it’s our time to cross the road, Bokuto happily jogged as he turns around and call out to me</p><p> </p><p>“Akaaaaaashiiiiiiii, hurry up it’s gonna sold out soonnnnnnn” he whines,</p><p> </p><p>He really wants yakiniku so bad he can’t wait, I smiled a little as I take a step into the streets while Bokuto was way ahead of me. That night was a cold night, no doubt the road is covered in a thin layer of ice. </p><p> </p><p>I turned around because I thought I heard something, but I really couldn’t see well, the snow made everything hazy and it was getting dark. </p><p> </p><p>Bokuto was still happily jogging across the street while I slowly walked behind him, sometimes I wonder where he gets all these energy from. Then, I watched as he slipped and fell face first.</p><p> </p><p>I heard that sound again, this time I can hear it much clearer now. It's a car, and you can hear the engine roaring from far away. It is definitely approaching us fast.</p><p> </p><p>"<strong>BOKUTO!”</strong> I called out, reaching my arm out to him and walked faster</p><p> </p><p>Bokuto didn’t hear me as he tried to get a grip and get up. It’s a race now, a human and a car. It’s clear how this will end up, but I don’t want to give up before trying, not when my loved one’s life is on the line. I don’t want to live my life regretting without even trying.</p><p> </p><p>Lights. I saw lights. It flashed right in front of me as I saw him roll across on the ground.</p><p> </p><p>What happened? What just happened? It happened so fast, I didn’t even see it happening. I can see the car backing away from a curb as it drives off, and I can even see blood on his car but, what just happened? What am I doing? What should I do?</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Christmas Eve, what is a better way to spend it than to spend it with the one you love, I spent it with the one I love, watching, as he gets run over.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this is my first time writing. thats all. thanks for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. dawn.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s a silent night. There is nothing else except repeated beeps. Bokuto was lying there, he just came out of surgery, he won’t wake up anytime sooner.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...say… something… please….” I say, standing by his bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was loud and energetic hours ago, I just want him to say something, I don’t care how loud he is, I don’t care how annoying he is. Just, just say something. Please.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has tubes, needles and all kinds of equipment on him, he looks like he is in so much pain. He looks like he is suffering. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The repeated beeps slowly went silent, getting drowned out by a ringing noise, it’s like I lost sense of reality, at the moment the only thing I can hear is myself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>‘Hey. Hey you. Do you know who did this to him? Of course it’s you. You brought him to the restaurant. You didn’t hold him. You didn’t protect him. You didn’t help him. Do you know that?’</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course I know that. Of course I do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You are me and I am you. Of course I know. You don’t have to tell me that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I know that it is my fault, and it is my fault that he turned out this way. And if I lose him I can’t blame anyone because I did this to myself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everything happens for a reason. And the reason just so happens to be me.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I got a grip of myself and looked out the windows. I didn’t even realise how long we’ve been here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s dawn already, my favourite time of the day. It’s calming to just look out the windows and watch the sunrise. It’s another day. The sun is rising again. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>But will my sunshine ever rise again?</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>I don’t know.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a short unplanned update. its another 3 hours til dawn here. goodnight.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. dont go. please.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>February 4th, I forgot how long Bokuto had been in a coma. A month? A year?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>I visited Bokuto after work as usual and spent my night there. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>People had told me to give up on him, the chances of him waking up ever again are very slim, I was told to prepare for the worse, I refuse to. I can’t let go.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He isn’t dead yet, he is still alive and breathing. He is just asleep. He will wake up soon. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>…</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I’m in denial and I know that very well. But Bokuto is still there, his heart is still beating, his body is still warm. He is still fighting to live. He had not given up on himself yet, why should I give up on him? </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I should but I couldn’t. I could never give up on you, Koutaro.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Another night goes by in silence, I just want to hear something from you again. Please.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s morning again, I can see the lights shining through the windows. Everyday is just the same. It’s like an endless cycle. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I need to go home and prepare myself for work again. I walked over to Bokuto.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Goodbye, I have to go to work. I love you and I’ll be back soon” I said as if he could hear me, how delusional of me....</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I was about to turn around to go but it felt like something was tugging me. I looked down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His hand… was tugging my shirt... </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“B....Bokuto?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I hesitated. This can’t be real.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t….go…... please……..” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was at that time I noticed his eyelids were twitching.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span> He’s back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bokuto Koutaro, the one I’ve been waiting for all this time, is back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But at what cost? </span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. i remember i loved keiji</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I had the day off to be in the hospital with him, they ran him through some test and around evening I finally had some time alone with him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was just silence between us. We haven’t exchanged a word since he woke up. It’s just an awkward silence in the room. For me it’s just guilt, I don’t know how to face him. It still feels like it’s my fault that the accident happened. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It was near dusk, orange sunlight shining through the curtains into the room, birds were returning to their nest, you can faintly hear them even though they are far away, slowly chirping along as they were returning home, as if they were calling out to someone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I haven’t even taken a good look at Bokuto yet, I can’t face him. I slowly moved my gaze away from the window and took a good look at him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He was staring at the door, as if he was anticipating someone, he looked disappointed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I slowly open my mouth to speak to him, “B...Bokuto-san, what’s wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He looked back at me, “I’m waiting for someone,”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Who could it be that he was waiting for, I wonder, his best friend Kuroo? Perhaps his teammates? Who could it be?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Do you know someone named Keiji?” he asked</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Keiji. That’s me. I am Keiji. I am right here. Did he not recognize me? </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I do not remember anything about Keiji, but he keeps popping up in my mind and I keep thinking about him. But I do not remember anything about him.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>At first I thought this was a joke, but he seemed very serious, it didn’t seem like a joke. Every word he spoke just now carries a tone of disappointment, like he was expecting something very badly and didn’t get it. There is this sadness on his face, an expression I can’t quite describe. He is not joking.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I want to say something but I am still trying to understand what is happening here. Even though the answer is clear but nothing makes sense to me, not at that moment, everything seems so blurry and I can’t seem to get a grasp of what is happening.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>I just sat there in silence as he spoke again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t remember anything about him, but I remember one thing very clearly,”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Pause.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I remember I loved Keiji.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sometimes i feel like giving up but then again im just like<br/>well i got to finish this thing to somehow make my worthless life have a worth</p>
<p>anyways enjoy<br/>sorry for the long delay</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. fucked up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>life got me fucked up lol. i have no motivation in writing this.</p><p>i dont know when i will update this again or will i ever update this ever again.</p><p>sorry.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. stuck.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Keiji. That's me, and currently I'm besides Bokuto, who doesn't seem to remember me. </p><p>My love one forgot about me. But it isn't a surprise, he got hit by a car after all.</p><p> </p><p>Doctor told me that he had Amnesia, makes sense.</p><p> </p><p>But what doesn't makes sense to me is that, he forgot about everything again, he doesn't remember anything I told him last night.</p><p>He don't even remember that he spent last night here.</p><p> </p><p>It's like, he is stuck at a time, and everyday is the same day to him.</p><p>It's like, he can't make any new memory</p><p> </p><p>He is stuck in time, in a time where I don't even exist in his mind. </p><p> </p><p>Something isn't right. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ive decided to pick this back up again, enjoy this unplanned update, this is where we start to get into the main story. thanks for reading, i apologize for short chapters, im not good at writing.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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